Tonight, when I was leaving my friend’s house after playing a rough game of Texas Hold’em, I was driving back home and noticed a cop following me. First I thought it was Matt leaving, but it was weird because he ran a yellow light turning left just to get behind me. In the dimly lit street, I saw the reflection of the big obvious lights on top and decided to follow the speed limit, use my signal, etc.

I turned right, with my blinker, and stayed in the curb lane when the stupid cop decides to turn on his lights, so I pull over in some office park. He CLAIMED he saw me toss a cigarette out the window, causing sparks outside, but I don’t smoke, so I denied all of his lies. I KNEW he couldn’t get me on anything, and I was right. He ended up saying “Drive Carefully” and left to get somebody else to fill his ticket quota. I had just OWNED him, straight up.

I’ve been sick for the past week.

I guess nobody wants them, so I’m revoking them from here.