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It’s A Conspiracy!

Tonight, I decided that I wanted to go to Office Depot to compare these two chairs that I bought yesterday with a different model. The ones I bought yesterday are “defective” because they don’t go high enough. The whole conspiracy started when I left the Office Depot in Santa Rosa and started heading south on Santa Rosa Ave. I go all the way down, past the Days Inn, past the adult bookstore, past Friedman’s Home Improvement store and start going on the freeway to southbound 101. Out of the corner of my eye, I see a Sonoma County Sheriff car pull out of the new trucker gas station. I thought nothing of it until I remembered that I didn’t use my blinker when I got on the onramp to the freeway. I saw him get on and start to follow me onto the freeway.

There are two exits in Rohnert Park, the city that the Wal*Mart I was going in resides. The first exit is really close to the Wal*Mart. The second exit would make me double back to the Wal*Mart. Since I was all wigged out, I took the second exit, with hopes of trying to lose the cop. I think I was pretty successful because on the first exit’s onramp, a bunch of cars were merging in. I exit at the second exit, and I start to double back to the Wal*Mart. I wanted to go to that Wal*Mart because the one that I went to last night didn’t have what I wanted. There wasn’t anybody following me that was related to law enforcement because I can recognize most cars by either their taillights or headlights. Cop cars are the easiest to identify because they’re all Ford Crown Victoria’s. I finally get to the Wal*Mart parking lot and park my car. When I exit the car, I see the same sheriff cruising through the parking lot. I’m thinking, how did he know! I saw him drive behind the aisle where I parked, but I was already far away from the car, and almost entering the store through the garden centre. I get in, and try to lose myself in the multitude of crowds. I head to the sporting goods department, but again, like the other store, this store only had a bunch of ammo and air rifles. Darn. I decide to kill some time and go look at some flashlights, because I can never have too many LED flashlights.

Since I didn’t purchase anything, I exit the store through the garden centre. I look towards the main entrance to the store, and who do I see? I see the same sheriff car just sitting at the main entrance/exit of the store. He was probably thinking I would buy something and exit out of the main entrance. I get to the car, and look towards the idling cop car. I was thinking, why would he choose such a crappy spot to try and spy on my car. I start my car and start heading out of the parking lot, using the exit that would take me the longest time to get home. I didn’t want to “return to the scene of the ‘crime'”. While I was waiting to exit at the driveway, I see a black unmarked police car pull in. Jeeze, there must be something big going on in that parking lot.

The road that decided to take home was dark, windy, and narrow. Again, nobody was following me. I get halfway home and I see a marked Santa Rosa Police Department car in the oncoming left turn lane. I stared out my rear-view mirror to make sure he didn’t make a U-turn. He didn’t. He just made a standard left turn into a residential area. I FINALLY get home, and guess who’s waiting for me at my house?




I quickly parked the car on the driveway, opened the garage door, and got inside. I wanted to make it look like nothing happened before they decided to launch a full sweep of the area. Nothing’s happened, but then again, it’s only been like 20 minutes since I parked…

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